Dear Diary,

After only a short time with my master, I have found him to be the most wonderful, kind, sensitive and clever master I have ever had. I have known since that first moment when he found me that I was in love. The problem is, he will not tell me that he loves me. Could it be that he does not? When I try to do things for him -- give him great and wonderful gifts, shower him with affection -- he only wants me to: a) take the gifts away and b) "Stop it, Jeannie!" Oh, how can I make my master understand that I do this to please him? Not to annoy him. This morning, for instance, I went to my neighborhood grocer to shop for my master's supper. (A man on television told me to go.) When I returned, my master said he would like to go swimming. So, I blinked him a swimming pool! He did not appreciate it. So, I blinked the pool out. My master was not pleased that I left him buried in the cement. Oh, well...

Oh, the most wonderful thing has happened! At the market today, I was reminded of the time in Ancient Baghdad when Ali, Killer of Many Giant Men attacked me in the Marketplace! Well, that is not the wonderful thing, but when I told my master this morning, ooooo, he was so angry. He wanted me to take him to Ali so that he could avenge this great insult. My hero...

When my master and I arrived in Ancient Baghdad and we found Ali, my master attacked him. Right there in the Marketplace! Our ancient proposal custom! My master does love me! I told Mama and Papa right away. They were so thrilled. They began making plans for our wedding while I went searching for my master. He had managed to get himself sold in the slave auction and then imprisoned. Is that not sweet? I rushed to my master before Ali could do him any harm. And there he stands, across the room. He is talking to my father. I hope they get along well. I must attend to my guests. More later...

My master is an insincere, deceitful rat! He does not wish to marry me. What is worse, he would rather be breathing at NASA than remain here in Baghdad with me in our new home. So be it! I blinked him back so that he might keep Ali company for a while.

Always the same old thing. When I want my master, he does not care. But when he wants me -- ho ho -- he thinks he can just call and I will come to him. Well. Just this once. I do not wish my master to become a shish kabob. I will let him suffer the slings and arrows of my father for the moment and maybe he will change his mind.

This master of mine is very firm in his convictions. That is why he is once again with Ali. But oh, my. He does care for me. He was going to allow the hot iron to pierce his flesh before he told Ali where I was. I cannot allow him to come to harm. We will let Ali pick on someone his own size from now on. Perhaps the rats in the palace need some discipline.

My master is still a rat. Even though he said some lovely things to me when he thought that I would not come back, he still was going to take out Miss Full Moon -- I mean Miss Galaxy. (The fat showoff.) I do not think the restaurants of Cocoa Beach allow men in towels to dine, though. But I will let my master figure that one out!